I am.

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I am tired.
I have been many things:
happy
heartbroken
betrayed
trusting
angry
nervous
broken
excited
adamant
unresponsive
or nothing at all.

I am many things.
Poor
Content
Learning
Fortunate
Friendly
Employed
Insecure
Unsure
Lost
Loud
Saved
a human being.

But for now, I am tired.
I am tired of being a bandage.
I am tired of being unsure.
I am tired of my lack of confidence.
I am tired of my blindness.
I am tired of being let down.
I am tired of letting others down.
I am tired of being the worrier.
I am tired of learning the hard way.
I am tired of being proven wrong.
I am tired.

I wish I could have confidence.
I wish I could be a permanent solution.
I wish I could.

but for now, I am tired.

Exhaustion

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Exhaustion hits me like a pendulum:
Appearing, fading, reappearing, fading.
A never-ending cycle.
Melting away with company,
Reappearing with loneliness.
A revolving door,
A Nascar track.

They tell you
“keep going forward.”
“You’re on the right track.”
But they don’t see the left turn
And the next one.
And the next.
The territory I travel is well-worn and familiar,
The grooves on a record
The lanes on a track.
A pattern.

Life is made of patterns.
Life is exhausting.
But it depends on the company we keep, what we do with those things.

photo credit to: http://awelltraveledwoman.tumblr.com/post/88957105726