It’s time

Time to start with the “what ifs” part of my life. 
Until this point, I’ve never had to result to “what ifs.” I always knew my plan. Everything was laid out according to how I’d been predicting since I was in junior high. I’d graduate high school, go to college, get my Bachelor’s in History, have a break year to earn some money, move to the East Coast and get my Master’s in Library Science, find a job, and from there, I didn’t give a fuck what happened. 
However… now I’ve reached the end of my rope. Everything’s checked off, and “graduation day” is marked in my calendar in big, red letters (155 days, although the full commencement ceremony at Radio City Music Hall is Spring 2015). 

now what 

Do I keep applying to jobs for the next 5 months? Do I start expanding my search outside the New York area? If I start looking outside NYC, do I want to stay on the East Coast? Boston? Philly? Am I dead set on museums and archives? What about school libraries? Historical associations? Private libraries & archives? What about the West Coast? Portland? Seattle? I have family in Orange County and LA, or what about Denver? There are so many places I could feasibly live in, but do I want to do that now? Do I want to settle down? Make roots? Should I get a dog? Cut my hair? I really should cut my hair…it’s gross. What about living situations in the future? Roomates? no roommates? Suburbs? apartment? What if I can’t find a job in the next 5 months? How will I pay back school? Sell my hair and go “gifts of the magai” only without the boyfriend?”  Will I have to declare bankruptcy? What about the government? Work for them? The military? Move back home? I don’t really want to move back home…



this has been a cyber panic attack


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