The Way In

Sometimes the way to milk and honey is through the body.
Sometimes the way in is a song.
But there are three ways in the world: dangerous, wounding,
and beauty.
To enter stone, be water.
To rise through hard earth, be plant
desiring sunlight, believing in water.
To enter fire, be dry.
To enter life, be food.

Linda Hogan, “The Way In” from Rounding the Human Corners. Copyright © 2008 by Linda Hogan. Reprinted by permission of Coffee House Press. http://www.coffeehousepress.org
Source: Rounding the Human Corners (Coffee House Press, 2008)

 

Rude awakenings

Do you know what’s worse than heartbreak?
Trust-break.
Imagine:
you’re in a room, surrounded by everyone you trust in your life.
Beaming from ear to ear, you can’t believe how lucky you are, having these people in your life.
Suddenly, the room whirls, and everyone is paired up, doing trust falls. You join them, feeling completely safe in everyone’s arms, knowing they will catch you without a second’s hesitation.
You switch partners, and they grin. “You ready? You trust me right?” They say with a grin.
You nod, laughing, and turn around, throw your arms out wide, surrounded by the sounds & laughter of everyone important in your life, and fall.
And fall,
And fall,
And fall.
With a jolt, you open your eyes, expecting your partner to be standing above you, but they’re nowhere to be seen.
You find them a few feet away, in conversation with others, and despite everything you try, they can’t, or won’t, hear you, as if you were never there in the first place, as if nothing had happened.
You’re left, confused and invisible, in a room that had once felt like the safest place in the world.
Trust-breaks are the rudest of awakenings.

I am.

large

I am tired.
I have been many things:
happy
heartbroken
betrayed
trusting
angry
nervous
broken
excited
adamant
unresponsive
or nothing at all.

I am many things.
Poor
Content
Learning
Fortunate
Friendly
Employed
Insecure
Unsure
Lost
Loud
Saved
a human being.

But for now, I am tired.
I am tired of being a bandage.
I am tired of being unsure.
I am tired of my lack of confidence.
I am tired of my blindness.
I am tired of being let down.
I am tired of letting others down.
I am tired of being the worrier.
I am tired of learning the hard way.
I am tired of being proven wrong.
I am tired.

I wish I could have confidence.
I wish I could be a permanent solution.
I wish I could.

but for now, I am tired.